Breath Of Life

Monday, May 24, 2010

Things are changing. My love for words is sharpening- growing deeper. It must be the season. Summer brings many new breaths. My absence was much needed from this blog. I didn’t know what I was doing with it before and to some obtuse degree I still don’t. All I know is that this summer will be one of changes. Changes that will resonate in my interiors and some that will resonate externally. I will become an interior decorator and I will paint my walls the colors I chose- whatever feels right.

This year went by in high speed blinks. I fell in love with a soft skeleton and came to realize, foolishly, that skeletons don’t have hearts. But it was beautiful while it lasted. My breathing was sweeter and the moonless skies lit our skin with grace. I went for months without gifting my journal with a single verse and on many levels I have the skeleton to thank for bringing me back. I am flooded with words and thoughts that don’t die by the time they reach a page. They linger until I have caught them all and given them life. It’s strange and beautiful how one individual can give life to another. I hope my words will do the same.

I’m finding peace now. I’ve moved the furniture in my room and I’m in the process of moving the furniture of my body. I finally understood the beauty in emptiness and a couple nights ago had an eye-opening conversation with Alma. I cried at the terrible emptiness of grief. I cried but I accepted its beauty. She said failure is evolution and I realized my tears were not so heavy anymore. Ellie was in another room of my house, some high pitched conversation resonating around. I cried and she laughed- completely unaware of my epiphany. It was such a beautiful moment. Stimulating. I was surrounded by emotions and I never felt more alive in the smallness of my room. I was evolving- I am evolving. I am changing and growing and living.

I am my own antimatter. I chose what I will accept to be defeat and this summer I will rid myself of what no longer is a part of me and strive to pick up what will be. Good music will by my backdrop and art will fuel my desires. My symmetry is fading and I'm not scared. I'm embracing the possibilities of not being adhered to any mold and, ultimately, that is what I'm anticipating for this blog as well. Iron & Wine in the background and a lot of possibility in the air- I am so excited for this new breath of life.

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10 comments:

eleanor May 25, 2010 at 2:16 AM  

thanks so much for your comment!

your blog is great, you write so well. i'm following now :)

X

kelly ann May 25, 2010 at 2:20 AM  

this was breathtaking, dear. your words find just the perfect place in my heart... so beautiful.

i love photo... gorgeous.

Vicki May 25, 2010 at 7:24 AM  

you have such an effortless skill for writing your words flow and seem almost peaceful. I hope your grief makes you stronger and in the end much happier. xo

Lisa Drives A Van May 25, 2010 at 1:37 PM  

wow your blog is so beautiful! so glad i found it, im now following <3

evelyn May 25, 2010 at 2:29 PM  

i love this. i wish i could write so beautifully as you! most of what you wrote is how i been feeling lately so it was nice to read your words so beautiful and poetic and it made me feel better somehow.
yeah i am not in SF for the summer because I came home for my vacation. i hope you enjoy your summer ^_^

evelyn May 25, 2010 at 2:30 PM  

p.s if you dont mind i've added u on FB :D

iheartkiwi May 25, 2010 at 4:05 PM  

i'm so excited to see what changes life will bring you! i always feel like summer is full of possibilities too. good luck lady.

Orphin Lasz May 25, 2010 at 6:19 PM  

Such a lovely, dreamy blog ; w ;
You made me feel inspired.

~ Orphin's Domains ~

Lizard May 25, 2010 at 7:54 PM  

Ah! I too am so excited for this summer! I hope you succeed in all your plans! I can't wait to see pictures of your summer adventures!

Elizabeth May 26, 2010 at 8:40 AM  

great photo of you. can we see one of your place?

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